Healthy marital relationships are rare and can be considerably hard to maintain, particularly due to the influx of inner and outer forces that test the bond: jealousy, pride, failure and success, control, financial hitches, just to name a few. Forming relationships is very easy in this overactive social community. When attained, however, maintaining and mending such relationships when difficulties arise seem to be the thorniest. How, then, can success be achieved in maintaining a relationship, in this case, a marital relationship with one’s spouse? With all relationships—whether they be familial, social or marital—the same principles apply in maintaining them; namely, cooperation, flexibility of attitude, and above all else, communication. With these facets at play, mending a relationship can only be as easy as mending a broken bone –it takes time and patience. In a world full of divorce, an attempt at maintaining the sacred bond of union that is marriage is an utmost display of love, and the level of dedication of one’s partner.
In terms of marital relationships, our attitude in the early stages of marriage has an integral role to play in the outcome of it, whether for the better or worse. World renowned philosopher and psychologist William James had this to say regarding this correlation: “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome” (qtd. in BrainyQuote). Cooperation is seen by many as an act of submission to another’s will. The “man of the house” is culturally seen as the head of the family; therefore, his cooperation with his partner may be considered as a form of cowardice. As a result, many males, in order to fulfill the role society has placed upon them, have taken marriage as a dominion over which they can exert their rule. Cooperation is not an option. Things need to be done their way, or no way at all. On the other hand, owing to the modern uprising of extremist feminist groups with beliefs that women are better than their counterparts, certain women have become puffed up with pride, unwilling to accept the suggestions of their husbands, and viewing their role in the marriage arrangement as a demeaning one. These women often seek their own interests in a marriage and are prone to leave their husbands, feeling as though husbands are a burden. Clearly, both partners have a lot of work to do in protecting their marriage from cultural and societal influxes of negative, but pervasive, behaviours that have become the social norm of our time. In order to do so, cooperation is key. When both mates show a willingness to cooperate in a marriage, they are preserving it from the worldly attitudes advertised in our society. Another crucial aspect to maintaining one’s marriage, which goes hand-in-hand with cooperation, is the regulation of one’s attitude.
When single, one thinks selfishly. When married, however, the selfish attitude associated with singleness must change. Marriage is about union, togetherness, unification, blending, and so forth. It requires a unifying attitude rather than a selfish one. A marriage is a union of two people with differing traits, personalities, and attitudes. Often, these attitudes stem from deeply ingrained traditions, and changing them in order to please one’s mate is often where the problem lies. A realistic example of this occurs when a smoking man and a non-smoking woman are joined in marriage. Due to his wife’s abhorrence of this habit, the man will eventually have to give it up, or at least not smoke around his wife if he is to please her. Much more often, however, the smoker will hold on to his ways, refusing to change them as it has now become an ingrained habit, thereby causing marital dispute. If a marriage is to function smoothly, an attitude adjustment—such as quitting smoking when marrying a non-smoker—is essential to maintaining it. With all this in mind, the cultivation of all the aforementioned attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of a marriage cannot exist without communication. This element, which must be present in every marriage, is one which, if cultivated, leads to the cultivation of all others contributing factors in the preservation of a marriage.
In terms of marriage, communication implies a wholesome interchange of thoughts and ideas between the married couple. Though many couples would describe communication as being important to a happy marriage, cultivating it is a great challenge. One of the hindrances to wholesome communication within a marriage is a fear of how one’s companion will react to certain information or ambition. To illustrate: A mate finds out of a certain impending disability which will alter the way in which their partner will view them. A fear of rejection might cause them not wanting to communicate this information with their partner. A second hindrance to avid communication in a marriage is distrust. This sentiment could emerge if one’s mate is known for gossiping their intimate thoughts to others or belittling their communicated feelings, thereby making it hard to communicate with such a partner, knowing that their reaction will only worsen the situation. The third, and perhaps deadliest, hindrance to wholesome communication in a marital setting is the silent treatment. One dictionary describes this act as an instance of maintaining silence or aloofness toward another person, especially as a means of indicating disapproval or rejection. Often, speaking out one’s innermost feelings about something in a frank manner tends to do more in maintaining the relationship than remaining silent. Knowing these obstacles of communication, then, helps us to know how to promote wholesome communication within a marriage; namely, by maintaining confidence, trust, and a mutual understanding. With these three aspects in mind, marital communication, and by extension marriage itself, can be preserved.
With divorces so prevalent in today’s marriages, is maintaining a marriage till death do us part really realistic? The answer could be yes, but only if these three principles are at play in a marriage: having a willingness to cooperate, regulating and adjusting one’s attitude, and most importantly, wholesome communication. Though societal norms would have us believe that cooperation is a sign of cowardice, in a marriage, it is a display of love. Regulating one’s attitude may require time, as some attitudes have become ingrained in one’s day-to-day life. A willingness and flexibility to change these attitudes in order to please one’s mate is a great demonstration of a desire to maintain the marriage. Finally, there are many hindrances to marital communication—fear of a mate’s reaction, distrust, and the silent treatment, just to name a few—which can be detrimental to a marriage if allowed. Promoting confidence, trust, and a mutual understanding in a marriage can help married couples overcome these hindrances. The 21st century has perhaps the most recorded number of worldwide divorces in history, most because of impulsive choices of partners. A question worth considering, then, is how can one choose a suitable marriage mate. Equally pressing is the question: does choosing such a mate guarantee a joyful marriage?
References
"William James." BrainyQuote.com. Xplore Inc, 2011. October 3, 2011.
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/williamjam157168.html
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