Emulating Classic Short Stories- Girl by Jamaica Kincaid

Girl by Jamaica Kincaid
Wash the white clothes on Monday and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday and put them on the clothesline to dry; don't walk barehead in the hot sun; cook pumpkin fritters in very hot sweet oil; soak your little cloths right after you take them off; when buying cotton to make yourself a nice blouse, be sure that it doesn't have gum on it, because that way it won't hold up well after a wash; soak salt fish overnight before you cook it; is it true that you sing benna in Sunday school?; always eat your food in such a way that it won't turn someone else's stomach; on Sundays try to walk like a lady and not like the slut you are so bent on becoming; don't sing benna in Sunday school; you mustn't speak to wharf–rat boys, not even to give directions; don't eat fruits on the street—flies will follow you; but I don't sing benna on Sundays at all and never in Sunday school; this is how to sew on a button; this is how to make a button–hole for the button you have just sewed on; this is how to hem a dress when you see the hem coming down and so to prevent yourself from looking like the slut I know you are so bent on becoming; this is how you iron your father's khaki shirt so that it doesn't have a crease; this is how you iron your father's khaki pants so that they don't have a crease; this is how you grow okra—far from the house, because okra tree harbors red ants; when you are growing dasheen, make sure it gets plenty of water or else it makes your throat itch when you are eating it; this is how you sweep a corner; this is how you sweep a whole house; this is how you sweep a yard; this is how you smile to someone you don't like too much; this is how you smile to someone you don't like at all; this is how you smile to someone you like completely; this is how you set a table for tea; this is how you set a table for dinner; this is how you set a table for dinner with an important guest; this is how you set a table for lunch; this is how you set a table for breakfast; this is how to behave in the presence of men who don't know you very well, and this way they won't recognize immediately the slut I have warned you against becoming; be sure to wash every day, even if it is with your own spit; don't squat down to play marbles—you are not a boy, you know; don't pick people's flowers—you might catch something; don't throw stones at blackbirds, because it might not be a blackbird at all; this is how to make a bread pudding; this is how to make doukona; this is how to make pepper pot; this is how to make a good medicine for a cold; this is how to make a good medicine to throw away a child before it even becomes a child; this is how to catch a fish; this is how to throw back a fish you don't like, and that way something bad won't fall on you; this is how to bully a man; this is how a man bullies you; this is how to love a man; and if this doesn't work there are other ways, and if they don't work don't feel too bad about giving up; this is how to spit up in the air if you feel like it, and this is how to move quick so that it doesn't fall on you; this is how to make ends meet; always squeeze bread to make sure it's fresh; but what if the baker won't let me feel the bread?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of woman who the baker won't let near the bread?

Boy by Keto Sackie
Brush your teeth every morning so as not to drive away your friends; bathe every morning so as not to carry a strong odour because no girl likes a stinky man; do not play with girls because they are very manipulative; always thank your mother for the food; this is how you change the oil; this is how you change the oil properly so the car does not give out; this is how you set the microwave; this is how you change a car tire; this is how you pitch a tent; this is how you fire a gun; this is how to fire a gun accurately to kill that noisy Mockingbird; this is how you iron your dress pants; this is how to behave in front of men; this is how to behave in front of women; this is how to get a girl; this is how to dump a girl; this is how to fake remembering your girlfriend’s birthday; this is how to actually remember you girlfriend’s birthday; but I don’t have a girlfriend; this is how to dump a girl without hurting her feelings; this is how to survive a shopping trip with your girlfriend; this is how to fix a leaking pipe; this is how to tie a tie; this is how to tie a bowtie; this is how to listen to your girlfriend while watching the football game; this is how to look at hot women without being caught by your girlfriend; this is how to dress well when you need to and slob it up when you don’t; this is how to win at least one hand of poker against your friends; this is how to thrash a few geeks on Call of Duty 4 on Xbox Live; this is how to beat (at least) one of your friends at arm wrestling; this is how to throw a mean left/right hook; this is how to take a mean left/right hook; this is how to survive a bear attack; this is how to hold your own in a boxing ring; this is how to save a child from being hit by a speeding car; this is how to never forget valentine’s day; this is how to shave like a man; this is how to chop logs with an axe for firewood; this is how to fasten your zipper when no one’s looking; this is how to bet (and win) on a horse/dog race; this is how to crush beer cans with your bare hands; this is how to be “The Man”; this is how to act like you’re not a gay little bitch; this is how to be a “manly man”; but what if I don’t want to be a “manly man”?; you mean to tell me that after all I’ve taught you you’re still going to be a sissy little bitch?